JoUrNeY To SeLf.
It's been exactly three months since I embarked on this journey to self rediscovery... Well, technically, the whole year has been a rediscovery process, but I decided to become truly healthy once and for all, three months ago. The last time I felt strong and healthy was five years ago. I slowly observed and inconveniently watched myself lose it. From the soft handles on my back to the formation of muffin tops, it felt very uneasy and yet, every time I started some new fitness and diet journey, I found myself relapsing after a month or slipping within each month.
"What gives!" That was my every last expression, every time I succumbed to my unhealthy desires. I felt completely powerless, and dunked in my proclaimed battle... One, that the original idea of comfort now created a pattern of conformity.
Why is it different now? Perhaps, it is because it has been three months of no fast food and being ready to talk about it? I don't know, but I sure do know that I have earned my bragging right on my abstinence from junk/fast food for three months. It may sound ridiculous, considering once upon a million years ago, I had no desire for junk food nor did I find it appealing to my eyeballs.... How wonderful it is, to truly immerse myself in the culture of my surroundings.
With that being said, I still indulged in cookies and lattes when needed. This isn't junk food in my registration process.
Truth is, I decided it was enough. I was tired of being tired, uncomfortable, out of breath every few steps, belly rolls, not being able to sit in child's pose, being so comfortable eating every cravings, having to wear a size larger to hide my belly bulge, being comfortable not moving, being exhausted from body aches, and most of all, being comfortable with being lazy. I just got tired of not being able to recognize myself. I had no idea who I had become. Quite frankly, I had no idea who I was anymore. I woke up one morning, stripped naked in the bathroom, and was horrified. I stepped out of my comfort eyesight, and took a look from a different angle; I was a mess, a wobbly fat mess. It didn't matter if I was barely 151 lbs, I looked a mess. My fat and rolls were in all the wrong places, neck fat?! Is this some crazy joke that I didn't get informed about in time? I ought to live over 100, What the bloody hell is going on!
The first month was rough. I forced myself on a restricted diet but this was not the best, as I was involved in a lot of cardio. I bought a stationary bike, threw in some daily Yoga, and stayed mostly on a liquid diet (thanks to Soylent with each bottle hitting 400 calories). I was a cranky, weak, and exhausted mess. By the end of week two, I had a horrible muscle pull on my calf at 4 a.m. I was unable to bike and decided to walk it out to healing and this... this was a blessing in disguise. This was the beginning of my new exercise journey.
For the past three months, I have walked and mostly hiked every week. Initially, I allowed two rest days a week and walking five days a week. However, by month two, I found myself hiking more than regular walks so alternated my rest days. Long hikes require two rest days before the next and regular hike goes daily. The longing is unbearable most times, I call it the mountain call. My liquid diet took a back burner quickly, I needed my carbs and protein!! 🦍🦍🦍
Have I had an incredible 30 days weight loss transformation? Absolutely not and that shit is bonkers! I haven't had 60 or 90 days either. However, I now see the muscle development in my thighs. Firm and hard, just how I like it. The rolls are down a few sizes, The physical are not as obvious as the internal but holy shit, my energy levels are pumped, my endurance, mobility, stability, the improvement is impeccable, I can't believe it! I remember three months ago when I did a walk of 3000 steps, I came home with swollen feet, took four tablets of Ibuprofen, and had horrible body aches all day. I sat on my bathroom floor and cried silently. I was so embarrassed and ashamed of myself, I had no hope but told myself I have to be better, we can do it, we have to. Well, yesterday, I got home after my hike and hit 21,100 steps.... TWENTY ONE THOUSAND STEPS! If that's not some self-motivating progression, I don't know what else is.
It's amazing, the healing that goes on with each hike, just me and nature. The clouds begin to subside and my brain obtains a new trace of idea formation. The ability to let go and breathe, talk to the birds, the trees, and tell the flies to fuck off as needed. Yes, it is truly an experience but even more fun is how little I am in the mountains. I am nothing, a nobody, just a human exploring and appreciating the natural gift around us. One that permits the ability to strip all ego and take a proper look at who you really are, no judging. With this opening, I have also been able to walk on my camera movements, image capturing, and documentation process. I have also been stripped of some fears and phobias, this will be a continuous work in progress of course, but baby steps are always fun.
That's it for now. I will have a second Youtube channel for my documentation, as well as other lifestyle videos. I am happy with my current progression, the slow inches reduction, and the scale which tortures me with a weight standstill... It's okay though, as long as the inches continue to reduce around my waist and other places, we can play the standstill game.
Enough blabbing for now. I plan to add a new commitment to self, and that's to put in more effort in building and growing this website on a weekly basis, as I initially promised myself.
30 days left in 2020, we got this.